Finding Connection Through Writing

A while back, my blogger friend, Shilpa Gupte, wrote about how the old days of blogging are no more. We no longer seem to connect like we used to. In some ways blogging relationships have become transactional – like other relationships. After her post, I’ve tried to comment on some blogs and read them diligently, until last month. But somehow the magic of old was missing. It’s taken me a while to process this and ask myself if my writing connects with other people. I’m still working on revisiting what I write and who it resonates with and how it builds a connection. Today I want to focus on two ways of finding connection through writing.

Finding Connection Through Writing

Writing To Connect With Others

May was a month many of us in India want to forget because of the death and misery we saw all around us. For me, it was a very sad month too as I lost an old friend to Covid. His passing made me think about the power of the written word and finding connection through writing.

My friend and I hadn’t been in touch in the last few months, I think we last connected for his birthday in September 2020. I had no idea that he was in hospital until I got a flood of messages from common friends and one from his daughter telling me that he had passed away. Such a shock. He was only 59. As I thought about how our friendship came about, I realized that a lot could be attributed to the few years in which we regularly wrote letters to each other. Later in life, we travelled together to the Philippines for a wonderful programme and had shared experiences and common friends, but that didn’t connect us as much as the letters did.

Connecting Through Letters

I met Stephen for the first time in Mumbai in 1983. I was 18 and still in college and he was 22, fresh out of Engineering college and working. Our shared experience at the youth conference we were both attending helped us to get to know each other a bit. At the end of the programme, several of us exchanged addresses with the promise to write. I diligently wrote to all the people I had addresses of, but Stephen was one of the few who responded. And so began our correspondence that continued for about 2-3 years. Writing on those blue, inland covers at first and then when we wrote longer letters on letter paper! As we kept writing the quality of our sharing deepened and we spoke of our backgrounds, families, experiences, hopes and dreams. It was what we both needed at that time.

Through the years, we kept in touch. I met his family, stayed over at their place twice, and over the years got to know his wife and daughter. There was a warmth and a connection there that I can’t really put into words. Stephen was one of the few old friends who connected with me when I got married and moved to Mumbai, when he visited the city. Ours was the kind of friendship that I could pick up the phone and ask for a favour and know that he would try his best to help me and vice-versa. A connection that was built largely on the fact that we wrote to each other several years ago.

The Good Old Days of Letter Writing

I remember how my parents, uncles and aunts who lived in India and abroad would diligently write letters to my grandparents. Since my grandfather was blind, my grandmother would read those letters out to him and he would often dictate a response for my grandmother to send. Sometimes she’d share these letters with us. We got news of family, read about how our cousins were doing and sometimes there’d be an enclosed photograph or two with a scribble about what the occasion was, who the other people in the photograph were, etc.

When my Mum’s sister moved abroad, she’d write long letters to Mum telling her about life there and adding a recipe or two.

And then there were pen pals. I had one in Australia. What a joy when I was able to connect her with her family back in India that her grandmother had lost contact with. Sadly, Julie and I lost contact too.

I know I’m sounding nostalgic but letters can’t replace all the apps and the telephone calls we use to connect. We might connect quicker but I’m not sure about the depth of these connections.

Last week, I pulled out some letter writing paper. I found my Dad’s address book and I’ve made a promise to myself to write a few letters to some family and friends.

Read this lovely piece to see the power of letters to connect : She Put Her Unspent Love in a Cardboard Box

Writing To Connect With Oneself

Another connection that can grow from writing is the one with ourselves. As Julia Cameron says, in her book The Right To Write, “Writing connects the self to the Self.”

I have found this to be particularly true with my Morning Pages practice. As I write, without an agenda, just spilling my thoughts, I find out things about myself I hadn’t realized before. I see experiences not processed fully and consciously, being laid bare on these pages. Writing this way helps me become conscious of my actions, motives, choices and decisions. It has also helped me understand how the behaviour of others has impacted my life.

The connection with my Self that I have discovered through my writing has helped me to heal, to stand up for myself and find the strength to walk out of toxic situations and relationships.

Each day, each life is a series of choices, and as we use the lens of writing to view our lives, we see our choices

Julia Cameron, The Right to Write

If anyone asks me how to discover more about themselves, their creativity or how to start working on healing, I tell them to write. That’s one of the most powerful ways I know of.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences about building a connection through writing.